– From The Top Of Afadjato
When people who promised manna have now turned round to serve us quinine, they should be called what they are: Liars! …A liar, a liar, a liar has a game, he has a big mouth and a very small hand, and a very small hand….
But why are you all sitting there like ‘mumu’ who has lost his mother? Tweaa!… I said tweaa!! Mmtcheew; why, are you not cowards?
So let me ask this one too ooo….how much has that talkative at the Medina konkonsa house, who has sworn to recoup all his investment before the government leaves power made so far?
Ei! We need to know how much more is left ooo so we can factor it into the $15billion Chinese loan…or is it another bond?
…Kutuku behave, I didn’t say James Bond. Aah, who has mentioned cine here?
Sebio, tafrakye, if you are too stupid to pronounce Kenbond, we can forgive you. It is a new word in town…..And, hey, if you cannot wrap your fat tongue around Kenbond, how are we supposed to believe your claim that your favorite actor is a movie star called Franklin Templeton?
We all remember how you, Kutuku, son of Osempefo, great grandson of Mizrim Ni Mose, said Franklin Templeton is not a lotto doctor but a movie star who grabbed $2.25billion in a film that you believe is the best Mafia movie ever. We remember how you said the last killer in that movie too is called Ataa Ofori.
So how can you now turn round to ask me if Kenbond is the part 4 of James Bond? Kenbond is a new word in town, Period!
Talking about new words, have you people heard of Kukrudumus McManus? I hear it is the scientific name for a new type of ransom-ware virus specially designed for stealing elections.
Akologo was telling me the other day that this type of computer virus is so advanced that it actually moves, talks and walks, like a human being…only it smells like an elephant.
As Akologo, who fancies himself a scientist tells me, the virus was first successfully tested in Anago, then in Ghanatta. But just when everybody thought it had become sure-banker, it was stopped in Kenyatta by an anti-virus called Uhuru.
As it turned out, Uhuru is a very intelligent variant of anti-virus which had taken to sophisticated updates all along! So sophisticated was the updating formula of Uhuru that immediately Kukrudumus McManus tried to invade Kenyatta, there was what Akologo says is scientifically known as automatic vamoosization.
Simply put, Kukrudumus McManus was flushed out of Kenyatta, like offensive excreta.
Since then, Akologo tells me, scientists have been busily researching to see if Kukrudumus McManus has come to the end of its life-cycle, or that it will mutate into a suspected next phase of the infectiousness called, “Removalia-CharlotteOsei-For-da-Rigging: version 2020.”
I know the name is rather tongue-twisting, but it is a scientific name; and for a very dangerous phase of a mutant virus, what did you expect?
Eeh?…..oh eeeeh? You want to know my name? Ah, but you too, are you correct upstairs…how can you wait for me to say all these before you ask of my name?
I hope you have not mistaken me for a Citizen Vigilante. Because I swear I’m not! By the grace of Mawu Himself, I haven’t fallen down from the lofty heights of being Shadow Vice President to the Ntomtomnous and Nwansinacious hobby of writing boombastic epistles.
My name is Kofi Nyankomango. I am the fourth legitimate son of my father and my mother together who spirited me out to Mount Afadjato three hours after my mother gave birth to me in a village near Kumawu, the heartland of Kumkumbaghya fans.
I am the only surviving grandson of Opanyinkesie Nyankomango who was among the first group of Ghanamaniacs conscripted to fight in the First World War.
From my lofty location on Mount Afadjato, where I can afford to spy from right under the feet of the Mawu Himself, I see everything that goes on in this town with the help of the Sogbolisa.
I derive my birthright to shout, to write, and to talk from the 1992 Constitution and no weapon fashioned against my right to be a citizen and not a spectator, shall prosper; not even that powerful juju that has reduced some from being Atomic-Bomb-Generals into Citizen vigilantums.
…Hey, you ask for me to introduce myself and you are not paying attention? What insolence is this?…..Osafo Mafia? What about him?
Massa, I didn’t ask him to put his own biological children from his Akyem loins into Aban Edwumam’ and then turn round to tell you that the same Aban Edwumam’ is too choked to accommodate you and your children, so why ask me about the ostrich dance of Osafo Mafia?
For one thing, who cannot admire the fact that even though Aban Adwuma is choked, he, as a father, managed to maneuver his own children into juicy places in the same Aban Adwumam’? That is what we call responsible parenting.
Besides, from his name alone, can’t you deduce for yourself that that homo sapien is a Mafioso tactician? Why, need I tell you that he is a member of the Akyem Mafia too; which is now ruling?
Talk of the Akyem Mafia; they dey paa ooo. Sheege!
Ei, See how Saul Adoom Mortuary has joined his kinsmen’s cause to make J.B. Danquah the Founder of Osagyefo’s Ghanaman by force. Adoom Mortuary even said Osagyefo never won presidential election but only won plebiseet (somebody says he meant plebiscite).
Anyway, massa, go and find out about Osafo Mafia for yourself wai, before you come and exclaim ignorantly about this small act of chameleon break-dance by him. This is the same Osafo Mafia, who, even though well educated, said only Akanfo deserve to rule Ghanaman, because the lands of Akanfo are the richest with natural resources in the whole of Ghanaman.
Akwasi Prattice Jnr., that man who likes shouting massa, massa, massa, he protested, you can ask him. The Junior Prattice fumed over that declaration by Osafo Mafia, I remember very well; he said in every nation, the human resource is the most valuable and not the material resources and so Osafo Mafia was elephantically wrong!
You know that man Akwesi Prattice Jnr and his plenty talk; he, as usual, went on and on and on, about how it was the dignity, destiny, integrity, university, democrazy and the susubiribiribi, ochokobila right, and not the left, of all Ghanamaniacs to enjoy natural resources from any part of Ghanaman . He can speak big English, that man Akwesi Prattice Jnr!
I don’t remember what Osafo Mafia said in reply, but that is the situation. Osafo Mafia started playing ‘monkey fine pass baboon’ long time ago.
Go check for yourself and come and tell me what you find out next week. As for me I have no tears to shed over the Osafos and the Mafias and the Aban Edwuma comsi comsa…