– They Say Our Amega Is A Monkey Shadow
It was my mother, Eno Akosua Ntropo Nyantomago, who told me a long time ago that it is in the interest of me, myself and I, to stay away from wee smoking because of the ugly side effects of Ntampi.
According to her, madness is not the only reward that awaits human chimneys who fumigate their own brains with the Devil’s dry grass. As foreplay to wornyor wornyor, she said, ntampi also serves as natural make up in zombification.
“Your teeth will burn black, your palms will blacken with tautness, your lips will elongate and blacken; and all these are before you finally grow talons…Kofi my dear son, please, please and please don’t become a monkey shadow” Eno would say.
Ah, how true your words have proven, Eno! Today I am the proud better half of Yaa Brafi Mampam, one of Ghanaman’s best packages of beauty, and she rejected sixteen rich wee smokers in Ghanaman to be with me!
Oh yes, you can’t say tweaaa …ofuiii.
Me Kofi Abodwepim Nyantomago, nobody has said I have a round face and a fat belly ooo. Mbanor, no ochokobila magazine or newspaper has said I waddle like a dabo dabo!
Eeheh, you know what I mean. Kpor, I used to think I was the only one who thought Alubuntu looked some way ooo, until the New York Times recently did that pae mu ka. Chai! But this people too, they no dey hear ooo; nka, Alubuntu mua, you say he has a face like alokoto and a stomach like a cauldron.
The part that hurts me most was the insinuation that Ghanaman’s Amega waddles like a duck! Oh, which kind yaawa be this?
But can we really blame them? Truth is always bitter. I mean look at our Amega – a shortish homo sapien with the musculature of a bullfrog…and he is so by choice!
Why, Alubuntu wears his sedentary lifestyle like the collar of his shirt. Ghanaman’s Amega steps anywhere and even the most uninitiated can straight away see that he does not exercise.
And nobody should give me that old age argument. Is Amerikana’s Donald Trump not also Septuagenarian?… but does Trump push a pot belly from behind like Alubuntu does? No!
The difference is that Trump takes time to exercise while our Amega prefers to be a couch potato.
Last night, when I lamented to Akologo about this issue, he told me that he has heard it said that since Alubuntu took over Flagstaff House, he has touched base with everywhere else except the gym. Waa look at that. Our Amega, who has said he is leading by example has not taken time to even spy out a free gym, only doing di and da…what we call ‘adidas’.
As a Ghanamanian, I cannot be happy about what the New York Times has written about our Amega, but I am not a bald headed ostrich either. I am totally agreeable to the point that Alubuntu must stop being lazy and start exercising. He owes it to the people of Ghanaman to stay healthy as our Amega laa.
But then, we all know the sedentary lifestyle is just one part to the issue of Alubuntu’s looks. Wee smoking, is a bigger problem. I know we have all seen the signs and wonders in Alubuntu’s black face…the burnt lips are like a wee siren!
Like I said, Eno has long taught me that wee smoking leads to the ugly path that ends in becoming monkey shadow. Well, Oyiwa, yaawa don gas: They say our Amega is a monkey shadow!
But of course, ugliness from wee smoking is not only expressed in the physical body of the wee smoker, it is expressed through his character as well. All of us have heard of how Appiah Stadium was treated, aloo?
Tooor, now tell me, what person, who is not high on wee can sanction such barbarity in modern day Ghanaman?
Now we know that all the confessions that the young man had made had been exacted by Alubuntu’s minions whom he had sent after Stadium like robots just because of the re-harp on the fact that Alubuntu smokes wee.
Fellow Ghanamanians, I do not believe that under this democratic dispensation anybody can sanction the kind of atrocities that were visited on Appiah Stadium without being high on wee la!
Just imagine that, among other things, the young man was forced to kiss the ground before that old woman, Ama Busia like she is a god! My goodness, is that how even armed robbers are treated? Daabi, Sebi, sebi, is that how even wee smokers are treated in this country of our birth?
When Stadium emerged to recant the confessions he had made on camera and reveal that he had had a gun pointed to his head while doing that, I realized straight away that Alubuntu’s highness on wee had gone beyond the south this time round.
And see, as Amega gorges on ntampi and grows fat, his core responsibility suffers. Look at how Ghanaman is now constrained to borrow to pay salaries.
I see you shaking your head in disbelief Sampana, it is shocking isn’t it? That it has become a reality in Ghanaman that we now have to borrow to pay wages and salaries of workers. At a time that the people in charge of our economy are those who said they would never borrow even a pesewa to do anything, Ghanaman has actually taken to going cup in hand to do laalasulalaa.
To add insult to injury, Alubuntu and his Kukruduu are using every dirty trick in the book to fleece Ghanamanians of the little we subsist on. Have you heard of how the cost of doing medicals for new army recruits has shot up some 500%?
Good Akudugu. Now do you think that there is any other tangible reason for the astronomical increment from Ghc130 in 2016 to Ghc520 this year, for males, and Ghc229 in 2016 to Ghc550 for females, in the cost of doing medicals to become a soldier for Ghanaman? Alubuntu is using recruitments into Ghanaman’s security services to exact money from Ghanamanians!
If you think of the fact that hundreds of thousands of Ghanamanian youth applied for the army alone, and the same army is recruiting jus 1,200, then you would have an idea about how Alubuntu and his government are fleecing us for money.
As for the directive to the 26 Assemblies to pay Ghc5,000 each in order to sponsor Alubuntu’s tour of the region it is barefaced enough to be self-explanatory. But we must praise the whistleblower who reported the secret move by Alubuntu to exact the money from the Assemblies on the blind sides of the rest of us.
What is interesting is that amidst all the mess, Alubuntu and his government have borrowed some Ghc40billion already and nobody knows what they have used the money for! Last I heard, they are going to borrow some Ghc75billion before the end of the year!
Alubuntu has not built schools; he has not built hospitals nor has he constructed roads. Even his flagship ‘one district, one factory’ program had been initiated using somebody’s private factory as launch pad. So the question is what has he used all the money he has borrowed for? Tsos, we need to know ooo.
This is Alubuntu we are talking about here, alakpator number one. The man who shamelessly goes about claiming credit for programs he has not started.
If we don’t start getting answers now, he will one day get up and tell us that he used all the money he has borrowed to build the sea!
Mbanor, was he not nauseating when he claimed that the Wa Water project is the handiwork of JAK the sexy eyes? Even before the broad open eyes of Ghanamainas who know that the project is a handprint of JDM, Alubuntu, a shameless old man of 74 lied through his teeth that the project is an achievement of JAK.
I hear JAK has confessed somewhere that he knows nothing about the project.
But that is Alubuntu for you, a lying old man who flew on the wings of pure untruth to become Amega. That liar said in Wa that JDM had left him empty coffers even though he has been able to allocate Ghc1.5billion from the same coffers to Flagstaff House alone.
The same Alubuntu also said in Wa that JDM was unresourceful even though the airstrip that his plane had touched down on had been constructed by JDM!