– The Wee Smoker Goes Mad
…..O be dey; ‘he whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.’
But the situation where odasani takes to abodam without provocation from the gods; that one, is it not lunacy whose hypothesis has always been one and clear? – Wee?
As true as it is that an old lady feels uncomfortable whenever dry bones are mentioned in a proverb, I know I am not the only one who has seen that anytime wee is mentioned in Ghanaman, Alubuntu is set off to wonyor-wornyor.
Kpor ra, this was the same Alubuntu who went viral in A.D. 2011, the tumultuous age of Wikileaks…. Wee was in gossip!
Again, remember the days of the cocainocracy of K4 the sexy eyes? Who was the Minister who had been caught shivering at JFK in Americana with a small quantity of wee to aid with some constipation or so so and so? Alubuntu!
Selfsame Alubuntu was in charge of Ghanaman’s outernational affairs Ministry when supposed aliens burgled his office and took away Ghanaman diplomatic passports. Or? Eeeh, we later found out that one of those ‘aliens’ was Raymond Amankwaa – Amankwaa, the international wee entrepreneur was an alien to Alubuntu in a fit of hallucination that had been brought on by the subject of wee.
And so na true talk, anokwale; at the mention of wee, Alubuntu develops wornyor wornyor. The same Alubuntu who walks under a climate of cumulous clouds made of wee smoke, thickest in the mornings when normal human beings crave breakfast.
But even so, in all these years of our Amega’s association with ganja, this is the first time he has ordered the arrest of a stadium at the mention of wee; no?
Ah, Sinkari, nod again. You catch my drift… So you also see that the wee smoker has finally gone mad?
Damn, I hate it when I am right about these things!
‘Tis abodam indeed, to have lawyer ni kukudam, order the constabulary to arrest a stadium because he believes he has heard the stadium call him a wee smoker. Lord have mercy; and this madness is the matter of Ghanaman’s Amega being on cloud nine!
Eben asem so nyi?… So what do we do?
I shudder at the thought of what is lurking in the air for all of us now that the Commander-in-Chief of Ghanaman’s army has begun arresting stadiums. What if he woke up one day and felt like lighting up ganja with a bomb?
Kutuku, shut your fat nose and stop gazing at us like the idiot you are. Why this one too we must explain to you? Silly you, it is unconstitutional to be arrested for shooting off one’s mouth at a fellow citizen of Ghanaman.
Our body of laws prescribe that where a person shoots off his mouth at you and you feel falsely disparaged, you can seek justice in court. Bottom line, the offence of badly shooting off one’s mouth is not criminal and therefore does not require police arrest.
Now you nod your head, mtcheeeww.
Ahaa, so even if an idiot like you, Kutuku, can easily understand this concept what do you call Alubuntu’s unleash of the constabulary on Appiah Stadium over allegations that he smokes wee? Remember it is Alubuntu we are talking about here – he is supposed to be one of Ghanaman’s lawyers akukudam.
As you now understand that it is madness on the part of Alubuntu to do what he has done, I urge you, hinge the realization on the fact that he is our Amega in Ghanaman. Picture clear… you see our concern now? Suppose he woke up one day and felt like jailing a train for honking its horns too loudly?
Don’t forget Alubuntu has already sacked PROs and is expected to start dismissing watchmen and messengers soon. Mbanor, things are not looking good!
Now the question is, how do we rectify the situation before our Amega starts climbing trees in public? Uh uh, Akologo don’t even mention it; I don’t want to hear about medical solutions!
Alubuntu will not allow it, we all know that. How many times has Kofi Wayo, the cigar-loving Aemricano, invited Alubuntu to have a specialist examine his blood for free to ascertain that trace elements of wee are not a source of concern and he has refused?
Kpor, as the police hold on to Appiah Stadium, the same Alubuntu who is our Amega is saying he did not order his arrest… is not double personality symptomatic of cloudiness from wee smoking?
But cheer up Sampana; lift up those sagging shoulders. I believe in the power of prayer you know. Let us pray for our Amega; nay for our own sakes…lest soon, we lose our rights to do Nkonsonkonson… We have all heard about Montie.
And, oh, let us not forget our Amega’s Frankenstein Monster either. Oh yes, in my heart of hearts, I suspect A-Plus is also a wee smoker.
Wait, all of you, let me land…
Anyemi, what manner of idiot secretly records a police officer and then turns round to leak it to the public? In all his stupidity I don’t believe even Kutuku would do that, would you Kutuku? … Oh you didn’t like that; Sorry I retract.
But my nyaas, in all his nkwasiasem, which Asenso, one of Aulubuntu’s deputy Thieves-of-Staff, has described as ‘sheepish,’ did any of you honestly even think that A-Plus would be idiotic enough to record someone like Maame Yaa, a whole senior koti at the constabulary and then leak it just to make the point that the koti are covering up the thievery by Asenso and Abu? Mbanor, this is foolishness that needs prayer to cure!
You want to know why? Ah, first and foremost, who doesn’t know that Ghanaman’s constabulary is incurably corrupt? We didn’t need secret recording to know that!
Secondly, who does not know that Alubuntu’s government is rotten to the core with corruption? Tsoo, A-Plus himself, who has landed sole sourced oil carting contracts without any skill whatsoever in the area, reeks of the stomach churning sleaze that punctuates Alubuntu’s government, does he not?
Thirdly, this Maame Yaa koti woman is a relative of Amega Alubuntu himself, what fool messes with such a koti? If you know Alubuntu, he really looks out for the interest of his blood ooo. Kpor, that same Maame Yaa woman has even been penciled for promotion la!
So you see; A-Plus is really a mutum banza!
I have already seen the noose tightening around him. Oh yes, it is true that this Maame Yaa koti woman herself is not very intelligent; and am not even talking about she blowing her own cover as a cheerleader of Aulubuntu in Ghanaman’s constabulary to an okro mouth like A-Plus.
The way she went about trying to defend herself – bypassing the damage control department of the constabulary, claiming she had been blackmailed by A-Plus and then turning round to deny her own voice in that secretly recorded conversation is even more idiotic.
But, even so, to secretly record a koti woman and leak it in our own Ghanaman where doing similar thing to an ordinary person on the street is criminal can only be a wee induced stupidity!
Over the weekend, I heard him mount a defense…oh how lame it was! He was telling that konkonsa man, KABA, that he did not do the recording, when the very textures of the two voices on the tape show clearly that it was recorded from his end!
Anyemi, I fear the arrest of A-Plus is at hand. Mm mm, given that every single koti in our constabulary is trying to catch Alubuntu’s eye; mbanor, A-Plus is in gbenze already.
If you know me, this sheepish elephant is not one of the people I feel pity for. Apuu, this rascal, who was unleashed to insult JM day and night, just so that the elephants could win power? No!
Now that Karma has started a rope-a-dope with him, I would ordinarily just sit back and enjoy the show. Na nso, I am okristo ni… the Son of God admonishes us to pray for even our enemies. Let us pray for a cure for A-Plus’ brand of madness from Mawu as well, then.
After all, is it not true that a prayer for one’s neighbor is a prayer for one’s self? As the wee smokers have gone mad and stadiums are already being arrested, who is not at risk in Ghanaman… this land of our birth?