Alubuntu’s Jankarayu

Kutuku! Kutuku!! Kutuku!!!….where are you?…there! Tell me; is it true that the ultramodern digital address system, I mean Ghanaman’s own miracle, which has leapfrogged and jump-goated this land of our birth over every other nation on earth in the digital race has not been able to locate you?

Chai!..Kutuku, you have the biggest nose in the whole of Ghanaman! Even my rickety mobile phone here vibrates sometimes when that fat pair of funnels of yours greedily suck up Mawu’s free air.
Ooh la; no be vex matter my paddy; Save that angry nose blast for another day… Asem kesi aaba a frankaa si do.
We are talking about 15million precious Ghanaman cedis going into the building of a gizmo that cannot locate one of Ghanaman’s most popular landmarks, even though it is supposed to be an omnipresent masterpiece that locates and names even Waakye sellers.
And this same digital wonder is locating and naming things it is not supposed to locate!
Listen, I’m talking about how Jack-Where-Are-You is leapfrogging indeed, eeerm, but only in a yaakaama style! Baaah, don’t tell me you don’t know the name of the Ghanaman digital miracle…the one that is supposed to locate and name every piece of landmark in our homeland? Yes, the one that has taken on the nickname – Jankarayu.
Mmo, you know!
Like I said, Jack-Where-Are You is leapfrogging indeed; only, rather than transmogrifying Ghanaman into digital Usain Bolt, it has turned this corner of the Global Village into an anticlockwise confusion. Mbanor.
If you have not heard, Akologo, our learned friend is at the hospital. Yes, Ako suffered a sprain to his right wrist yesterday at the hands of his own beste friend, Sampana. Sampa chanced upon him seemingly teleguiding himself on to big bottoms of Zenobia his wife.
Kpor, had it not been for Amui, the two friends may have probably ended up strangling each other la.
Hmmm, after that falling out, it has turned out that Akologo had not been guilty of the bottom chasing that Sampa thought he had been attempting with his wife.
You know Akologo and his book long ways; toorh! It has turned out that immediately Alubuntu and his tugyimi government announced that Ghanaman had acquired Jankarayu, our over enlightened Akologo downloaded the gizmo and decided to use it to locate his best friend, Samapana’s house.
True to promise, Ako says immediately he activated Jack Where Are You on his phone, Sampana’s house was picked up as a landmark. Out of joy that Ghanaman had acquired a digital masterpiece, Ako decided not to look anywhere but to teleguide himself to his best friend’s house using his phone.
According to him, not too long after he had started Jankarayu, he realized that the landmark that had been picked up as Sampana’s house, kept swaying from left to right and whenever it swayed it generated different codes. Akologo says he was very happy and could not wait navigate to Sampana’s house by digital Jankarayu.
To cut a long story short, he teleguided himself until he reached what was supposed to be Sampana’s house only to hear a scream. Then lo and behold it dawned on him that he was stalking the bottoms of Zenobia!
What made it even more embarrassing was that Zenobia had just emerged from the wheee-tim communal latrine from across the street in front of Sampana’s house. Before Ako could find his voice to apologize and explain things, he hit the ground – Sampana from nowhere had tackled him!
I’m told we can only thank God that Amui was around – the two could have killed each other. Akologo has since promised never to talk to Sampana again.
But this confusion between Ako and Sampa is just one of many monkey tricks that Jack-where-Are You is accused of pulling on many other Ghanamanians. This morning I was told of a man who teleguided himself to the sea in an attempt to locate a new plot of land he has acquired in Tema.
But for me, the most shocking of all has been that even though Jack-where Are you has picked up the landmark bottoms of Zenobia, it has not been able to pick up your famous ogbotumi nose, Kutuku. Eeh, eh, no give me that frown…like I said am serious.
Do you remember how Mugu Yaro had stood before television cameras and boasted that Jack Where Are You would catapult Ghanaman in the digital race so that even what Almighty Amerika has would look like a Stone Age custom?
Now look at what we have on our hands. Our digital census machine is passing over landmarks that it is supposed to map out like the Angel of Death leapfrogged over Israel in Pharaoh’s Mizrim. Worst, those that it is able to pick up, are duplicated, tripicated or quadruplicated like Ghanaman has suffered a digital allotment of Last Supper bread.
Basically, it appears that Jack Where Are You has mutated into Jack Many Are You. And the result is a lot of confusion in town.
Now, where is Alubuntu? He must tell us why he doled out 15million for this nonsense!
Okay fine, I catch that look on your face…I’m being childish. Everybody knows Alubuntu gave that money to his campaign financier under the shroud of contract but even so, am I honestly being unrealistic to expect some semblance of respect from this tugyimi government?
Mugu Yaro told us that this gizmo would leapfrog us over Amerika! Alubuntu himself told us that Mugu Yaro had worked hard like Dexter in Dexter’s Laboratory to develop what was supposed to be a digital wonder! Then lo and behold, Ghanaman recognized that the whole thing already exists.
Now, we are told that we have been set up to pay Amerikana’s Google 400, 000 Donaldtrumpic dollars every year because the whole gizmo, which was supposed to be Ghanaman’s own digital wonder which would catapult Ghanaman ahead of Amerikana by light years, actually depends of Amerikana’s Google map!
In other words, there is nothing new about the Jankarayu gizmo and yet we paid 15million for it! This tugyimi government is really full of fiaafi oo indeed.
But who can blame them? Some of us warned Ghanaman several times about elephants who come claiming to have the ability to fly and our own people did not listen, now look. Alubuntu has not only redefined our democracy, he is stealing from us in broad day light like we are children.
And while at it, his Kukruduu’s baby elephants are attacking and putting fear in our hearts like Ghanaman is now a jungle. You have heard of the latest attack, haven’t you? Toorh, now if even the house of DCE’s are being buggled and their soups and stews being eaten while their panties and towels are kidnapped then what is the writing on the wall for the ordinary Ghanamanian?
And to think that the stealing of the panties of the DCE happened at the same time that a Police Station in Karaga was besieged and vandalized by Kukruduu youth. Apologies to Bukom Banku, Ghanaman is now a jankarayu country under Mawu Sogbolisor’s big red Sun.
According to Banku, it is this atmosphere of insecurity that has made him even lose the first ever fight of his entire career. Alubuntu and his tugyimi government are not only a thieving conspiracy that has been unleashed on Ghanaman, they are a source of bad omen that is so widespread that even Bukom Banku had to lose the first fight of his whole career.
Kpor nyebro, am serious ooo. Ah, have you not realized that even all the football teams of Ghanaman cannot perform well under Alubuntu?
Anyway, is it true that Lumba the agombia singer is not happy with Bukom Banku because Banku has spoken up about the role model for his skin bleaching into red, gold green?
Ah, but Lumba so paa why, he wants us to point it out to him that he looks like Michael Jackson’s ofiri gyato partner-in-bleach? I beg, he should give us a break.
Or he can enter the ring with Banku his protégé.



source:therepubliconline.com Emmanuel Antwi

The Republic News Online

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